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Thread: Top 10: Reasons To Tell Her You've Cheated

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    Default Top 10: Reasons To Tell Her You've Cheated

    By Andrew Moore

    So you cheated on her -- it's done. There's nothing you can do about that now. All that matters is what you do next; it's a dilemma to be sure. Your first inclination might be to cover your tracks, come up with an airtight alibi and make sure she never, ever finds out.

    Alternatively, you might feel like marching straight to your beloved's doorstep to beg for her forgiveness. AskMen.com is considering both options: Chris Illuminati is exploring the Top 10: Reasons Not to Tell Her You've Cheated and making a case for keeping your mouth shut.

    Here, however, we've assembled some arguments against that course of action.

    No matter what you're trying to achieve, and regardless of the ethics of the situation, there are good reasons to tell her you've cheated. Regardless of extenuating circumstances, this article will explain why keeping your infidelity a secret is never a good idea. Skeptical?

    Take a look at our top 10 reasons to tell her you've cheated and see the adulterous light.

    No.10 - Because you can't count on your partner in crime
    So, you were intimate with another woman, but how well do you really know her? Did she know you were in a relationship? If so, you know that her ethical judgment is only as good as yours. What if she didn't know you were taken? Once she finds out, is she going to be the type to send a life-altering e-mail to your significant other? Can you be certain your partner in crime doesn't want more than just a one-night stand? Is she going to show up at your apartment unannounced or start calling you at inconvenient times? Think about it. Your partner in crime is a wild card, an x-factor; that's why she counts as one of the top 10 reasons to tell her you've cheated.

    No.9 - Because the guilt will drive you mad
    If you choose not to tell her you've cheated, your relationship can quickly become a living hell. Every time your devoted wife or girlfriend tells you how much she trusts you, every time she surprises you with dinner or concert tickets, every time she does anything sweet or considerate, your guilty conscience will kick in to remind you of what a letch you are. The longer you go without telling her, the guiltier you'll feel.

    No.8 - To regain the respect of your peers
    Someone in your social circle (maybe even more than one person) knows that you've cheated, and even though they might not tell your wife or girlfriend, they will talk. Your friends will gossip and other women will hear about your indiscretions. People will learn what you've done, and they will judge you for it. It's only human nature.

    Now, if you cheat and then come clean, your friends and peers will think you're human. You'll be the guy who made a mistake and then apologized for it. However, if you decide not to tell her you've cheated, then other people will think less of you. They might not rat you out, but they'll definitely lose respect for you. That's why regaining the respect of your peers is another of our top 10 reasons to tell her you've cheated.

    No.7 - So you can live without paranoia
    Telling the lie is the easy part. Living with the lie is the real challenge. If you've decided not to tell her you've cheated, you'll constantly be looking over your shoulder, covering your tracks and wondering when and how the truth might come out. Another of our top 10 reason to tell her you've cheated is so you can live without paranoia.

    Living with paranoia is stressful, time-consuming and downright exhausting. In fact, it's no way to live at all.

    No.6 - Because it was a mistake
    What's one of the most important reasons to tell her you've cheated? Because it was a mistake. If you confess immediately and tell her you've cheated, the "I made a mistake" argument is still on the table. You can plausibly tell her that you were drunk, tricked, temporarily insane or whatever. You can tell her your infidelity was the result of a momentary lapse in judgment and that it will never, ever happen again. It was a mistake.

    However, if you cheat and decide to keep it a secret for a month or two, it smacks of deliberation. When she eventually finds out, and she will find out, you can no longer claim cheating was a mistake. By that point you've willfully mislead her.

    No.5 - Because you don't want to make a second mistake
    On the wings of No. 6's reasoning on our top 10 reasons to tell her you've cheated, No. 5 is about the extra abuse you'll take if your wife or girlfriend finds out first that you've cheated, and second that you lied about it.

    Failing to tell her you've cheated only doubles your trouble. You'll just give her two things to freak out about -- both the transgression and your dishonesty -- making it less likely that she'll forgive you.

    No.4 - Because you care about her
    Still looking for more reasons to tell her you've cheated? How about because you care about her, dumb ass? There has to be a reason you're in a relationship. Despite the fact that you slipped up and slept with someone else, your significant other is still the same person. She's still the person you're supposed to trust the most. Maybe she's even the woman you love, and if you really do respect her as a person, you'll be honest with her. It's the least you can do.

    No.3 - Because you want to make it work
    If you have any hope at all of moving on after an instance of infidelity, you have to tell her you've cheated. That's why your desire to make it work makes our list of the top 10 reasons to tell her you've cheated. Face it: Good relationships are built on foundations of trust. So, if you think you and your significant other might have a future together, that future has to start with the truth.

    No.2 - Because it's the right thing to do
    How many reasons to tell her you've cheated do you really need? In the end, there may only be one real reason to tell her you've cheated: It's the right thing to do. Owning up to your decisions is part of being a man. Whether you think you've made a mistake or you think it's your right as a man to play the field, the important thing is that you're open and honest about your actions. Real men have nothing to hide and they accept the consequences of their decisions. Only cowards lie.

    No.1 - So she hears it from you
    In some ways, the last of our top 10 reasons to tell her you've cheated encapsulates all of the previous points. Whatever future you want for your relationship, it's going to be easier to attain if she hears about your infidelity from you. While it's true that there are lots of reasons not to tell her you've cheated (AM has identified 10 of them right here), "so she hears it from you" trumps all arguments to the contrary. If she hears it from somebody else, you can count on unpleasant consequences and, most importantly, the ethics of situation (and your manhood) demand that you come clean and take responsibility for your actions.

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    10, 9, 8, and 7 are the only reason my sig ever 'fessed up. And I cannot count how many times I told him, "I really would have preferred to hear this shiet from you..."

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    The way I see it is people have the urge to tell their partner either to relieve the guilt, or because they know their partner will find out anyway and they are paranoid. Both reasons however are very selfish. If your the one who ****ed up then you deal with the guilt. No need to destroy your partners world. What benefit does your partner get by telling him/her? Maybe you would rather hear it from your significant other first, but is there really a better way to hear you were cheated on? In a perfect world it would be nice to be 100% honest with your partner about every aspect of your life but sadly thins is not a perfect world. Having been on both sides of the fence I can sympathize with both sides. I also believe to a degree it can strengthen a relationship.
    Disclaimer: peachfuzz is a fictional character. Anything posted by peachfuzz is for entertainment purposes only.

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    I've seen it strengthen a relationship. But not so very often. In both my ex-fiance's and my sig's case they knew the word would get back to me. My fiance spoke up faster. My sig waited until either the chick showed up and had a coffee with me...or the guilt ate him alive.

    I'm really not sure how I would tolerate cheating from someone else in my life. I guess my thought is: Don't freakin' waste time and effort pursuing me, winning me over, and getting me to commit to you...only to turn around and cheat on me. I never wanted to settle down to begin with...both my fiance and sig knew that. Instead of letting me go and walking away they both kicked me when I least expected it.

    The one thing I have promised myself after what I went through with these two...I will probably never, ever get married or engaged again. I like being a girlfriend. And I like my freedom. I like being able to say without guilt, "No sorry I have plans this weekend I'll catch you later."

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    I have a simple zero tolerance policy on the matter. The closest I have ever come to cheating was a brief drunken kiss when I was angry at my ex before we were married. I instantly came to my senses and stopped. And even though she went on to do much worse, I never forgave myself. I view cheating as the ultimate and unredeemable offense with zero exception. But that's just me.


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    Actually...it's a good policy. After what I have been through, I would probably flip a nutty if someone cheated on me again. I like to think I would remain as calm as I did with both my fiance and my sig. But I suspect it wouldn't take as much for me to go over the edge with someone in the future. I often suspect I will not be as tolerant. Hence another good reason for me to remain single. Rules are a bit different if there is no promise of intent hanging in the balance.

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    I, surprisingly, never flipped out in the sense that there was no screaming or shouting. I just said what I had to say and left. No doubt things would be different if children were a factor.


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